aliengeekgirl: (Tosh and Owen picture)
She sat quietly in the pub, preferring to watch the interaction of the others to taking part herself. Owen and Gwen were having some argument about how big the alien they had chased down today was, with Ianto making occasional comments. Jack had joined them for a while, but had vanished now. Tosh sat to the side of them, smiling gently as she watched the interaction.

Could she really do this? Could she walk away from the few friends she had? She sat, sipping her drink.

Owen turned towards her and raised an eyebrow. “Okay, why you so quiet?” he asked, in his usual bluff manner.

Tosh looked at him, surprised he’d noticed. He’d seemed so engrossed in talking to Gwen that she hadn’t realised he was looking at her. “Why not?” she said, smiling slightly.

Gwen frowned at her. “Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tosh said, the smile coming easily to her. After all, she’d been doing it for five years, to fit in. It was her nature, after all.

It wasn’t long before she excused herself, saying she was tired, saying her goodbyes to the others and heading out to the fresh air. She should have told them, she knew, but she couldn’t. Not when they were having such a good time.

“Tosh.” A familiar voice came out of the darkness behind her, and she turned to look at Owen. He hurried over to her, drawing his coat against him in the cold night air.

“Owen,” she said, continuing to walk when he was beside her. “Thought you were going to have a few more.”

“Nah,” he said, doing a bad job of lying for once. “Bit knackered.” Tosh stopped, glancing at him for a moment, before carrying on. “What?”

“You may be many things, Owen, but at times you’re a terrible liar,” she said, smiling ever so slightly.

“Yeah, well,” Owen started, then stopped. “Okay, I was worried about you, I came to check you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” Tosh said, slightly too quickly. “There. Checking done. Go back and enjoy yourself.”

Owen put his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to stop and turn and look at him. “Bull,” he said eventually. “Something’s up.”

Tosh looked around her, figuring out where she was. “Owen. You really don’t want to know.”

“Ever since Tommy, there’s been something wrong,” Owen said quietly.

“There’s an cafe round the corner. Buy me a coffee?” Tosh asked, knowing he wouldn’t give up.

“Lead on.”

She’d missed this, she realised as she sat cradling her drink, Owen sitting opposite her. It had been a long time since they’d simply sat and talked. Owen’s relationships with firstly Gwen, then Diane, and the mistrust sown between them by Mary seemed to fall away in the cafe, their friendship of old showing glimpses of returning.

“Don’t think that I don’t know what’s happening,” Owen said suddenly.

Tosh shook her head, confused. “About what?” she said.

“Well, I could say about Tommy, about knowing exactly what it was like after falling for Diane then her leaving, but honestly? I overheard you talking to Jack.”

Tosh froze for a moment. “I suppose I shouldn’t really be surprised,” she said eventually.

“You know me,” Owen said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Only too well.”

“Why, Tosh?” Owen asked, watching Tosh carefully. “Why now? Is this really what you want to do, because I can’t see you being happy anywhere else, and if you do it, there’s no way back. You’d really walk away from everything and everyone who cares about you? ‘Cause you don’t exactly have many people out there.”

Tosh looked away from Owen for a moment. “Did Jack ever tell you how I came to work at Torchwood?” she asked.

Owen frowned, then shook his head. “No, he didn’t.”

Tosh took a deep breath. “Five years ago, I was in a UNIT prison, having stolen plans for a sonic modulator. I was blackmailed into it, they used my mother, and I paid the price for it. I was in prison, but worse than that, I had to have no contact with her, or anyone at all. Jack said he’d get me out, if I came to work for him for five years, but I still could have no contact with mother.” She paused. “The five years are up. I’m tired of it, I want the chance to speak to her again.”

“And that’s it?” Owen asked. “You’ll just walk away from everything you’ve seen, everything you’ve done...”

“No it’s not like that. It’s...” She trailed off, unsure of what to say now she was faced with it. “You don’t know how hard it’s been. Wouldn’t you do the same?” she asked, but she knew the answer before Owen even spoke.

“No, I wouldn’t,” Owen replied. “God knows it’s been hard, it’s been hard for all of us. But you’re prepared to throw it all away, just like that. This job is a once in a lifetime opportunity! To do what we do on a regular basis...”

“Come on, Owen. This has been building up for a while. It was that damn necklace that started it, and you know it.” Well, the point where she found out about Gwen and Owen, and saw it all happening again. “We’ve seen people burn out before, working for Torchwood. I’d rather go with retcon than have another incident like Suzie.”

“You wouldn’t, Tosh. It’s not you,” Owen said, leaning back in his seat.

“How do you know?” Tosh replied.

“Because I know you, Toshiko Sato. I may act the twat at times, but I can read people well, especially you.” It wasn’t false modesty that had Owen saying that either. Tosh knew that he was the one person who could always read her, no matter what. “You’d give it all away, just to have a chance to see your mother once more? You’re a fighter, Tosh. Quiet one, but a fighter.”

“I’m tired of fighting,” she said.

“No, I don’t think you are. Maybe it feels like that now, but give it a few days, and it won’t. Trust me.”

“How many more people do we have to watch die, like Tommy?” she asked plaintively. “Answer me that?”

“That’s the way it goes. The nature of the job, all that crap that Jack’s probably already said,” Owen replied. “We deal, we move on.”

“No more, Owen. I’ve made up my mind.”

Toshiko Sato
Word Count: 1068
Not binding to any Owen muse.
Set in What If? verse.
aliengeekgirl: (In cell)
It was overwhelming )

Toshiko Sato
Word Count: 787
Jack Harkness not binding to any muse
What If verse
aliengeekgirl: (With Jack)
“The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.” - David Russell

She felt him approach rather than heard him. He was trying to be quiet, but maybe she was just too attuned to how everything felt in this place. She didn’t move from her contemplation of the bay.

“Tosh?” The question was loaded with so much more than just checking she was alive and functioning. There was ‘are you okay’ there, with a hint of ‘what the hell are you doing out here, it’s freezing’ and a dash of ‘this is odd behaviour for you’. She could hear it all so clearly. “It’s late.”

She turned her head to look at her boss – her friend, perhaps? They were never sure at times how Jack felt about them. Yes, he would probably do anything to protect his team, but it always felt like it was a one way deal. Jack never gave anything of himself in return, or else it was just tiny snippets – not enough to get hold of anything substantial. No matter how much they wanted to protect him in return, they couldn’t. “I know,” she said.

“Owen was worried about you,” Jack said, coming to sit down next to her. “Especially as you haven’t been back to work in, oh, six hours?”

“I needed time to think it through,” she said, not looking at him. “A lot has happened.”

“I know,” Jack replied. “But you did the right thing.”

“Did I?” she suddenly snapped, turning on Jack. “Did I? I encouraged him to go back to what, his death? He was terrified, Jack, and it hurt. It hurt me so much to see him like that. All he wanted to do was to stop fighting. The fact that we still have wars today – it was all futile to him. It’ll never be stopped. Tommy is going to die for nothing.”

“Tosh. He wanted to go back,” Jack said softly.

“No, he didn’t. He chose to, but he didn’t want to. We didn’t exactly give him much choice, did we? Stay, and watch the whole world unravel, or go back and die. I loved him, and I sent him to his death.”

“It’s done though, Tosh. We grieve, we move on, it’s all we can do.”

“Is that what’s left, Jack? Giving everything up, everytime, so that Cardiff, the UK can carry on with their sordid little lives?”

“Yeah. It is. It’s tough for us, but you knew the risks.”

Tosh sighed, going back to her contemplations of the Bay for a moment. “Five years yesterday,” she said suddenly.

Jack blinked, thinking. “Wow. Yeah, it is. Time flies.”

“I want out, Jack.”

“What?” Jack turned and stared at her.

“I want out. I can’t take it anymore, the way Torchwood takes everything, corrupts it. Retcon me, let me get some kind of normal life back. That was the deal, wasn’t it? All that time ago, in prison. Five years. I’ve given them, and willingly. Now... I want normal.”

Jack was silent for a moment. “What about your family? Your mother. You know I can’t retcon her, and it’ll be difficult for you.”

“Plant memories. Make me think she’s dead. Have me in a coma for five years...” Tosh turned to look at Jack. “I want out, before it kills me, or worse.”

Jack looked at the ground, then slowly nodded. “Sleep on it tonight,” he said. “We’ll talk in the morning.”

“My decision won’t change.”

“We’ll talk then.”

Toshiko Sato
Word Count: 568
Start of an AU verse exploring if Toshiko had decided to leave Torchwood after her five years. Jack Harkness isn't binding to any muse.


aliengeekgirl: (Default)
Toshiko Sato

November 2010

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